Feature and Above Photo: alex_s
Have you gotten the nod?
The other day on the subway, I saw two suitcase-laden travelers thumbing through a Lonely Planet Turkey. One caught my eye immediately and gave me The Nod. Oh, you know the nod; the silent exchange between two tourists that says “…sooo…traveling, huh?”
As a blue-eyed, large-nosed, pink-skinned white girl, there are few countries in which I could pass for a local. Even here in Turkey, where blue eyes aren’t a total rarity and some blondes are natural. Every day I get called out as a foreigner, and as a result, I’m no stranger to The Nod.
This exchange can vary greatly on the amiability scale. I’ve ranked them below, from most hostile to most friendly.
Dead Eyes
Photo: rich115
This is when your fellow tourist sees you and looks right through you. Who, me? Their eyes say in that split-second connection. You think I’m like you? Sucker, I blend into this culture like [local uncommon spice] into [local uncommon dish]. Just to prove it, I’m going to tell a joke to this chestnut vendor in the local language. Yeah, just TRY and laugh along, tourist!
A variation to Dead Eyes is outright, unconcealed disappointment. This occurs when a tourist fancies themselves to be a trailblazer off the guidebook path, and hates the thought of another foreigner doing the same. Once, in a tiny alley in Beijing, a backpacker actually groaned in disappointment when she saw me.
The Sympathizer
It’s like the “shucks, small world!” nod you would give in a coffee shop to someone reading the same novel as you. I once rode a 20-minute subway in Korea, seated across from a white guy who didn’t once speak to me. Instead, he glanced at me throughout the ride with co-conspiratorial gestures and faces. Whoa, look at that guy’s pink jeans! Those schoolgirls giggle loudly, huh? Whoo, this foreign currency is confusing!
It was an oddly nice experience; a shared joke between two strangers. It’s an attitude of unity. “What surprises me surely surprises you too, so let’s get a kick out of it together.”
Photo: Smart Destinations
The Weak Chit-Chat
Sometimes you’ll meet the hyper-social, hyper-friendly traveler who is thrilled with the opportunity to relate to someone. Once they spot a fellow foreigner, they’ll sprint across a crowded museum or park to come and chat. About what? About being fellow tourists.
“Where are you from?”
“Are you here on holiday?”
“What have you seen so far?”
“Oh yeah, we saw that. Wasn’t that great?”
…it usually flatlines when you realize there’s little common ground beyond both being foreign. So it ends, awkwardly, around here.
The Burning Ears
Another form of the foreigner nod occurs in travel when you realize that the people beside you are chatting in English. Aha! Fellow tourists! You glance at one another, exchange some form of The Nod, and then your conversation is finished. Why? Obviously, the other English-speaking party will eavesdrop, and vice-versa. It’s almost impossible to tune out your native language when it’s spoken in a foreign country.
Community Connection
And you, Matadorians? Does this resonate with your experiences abroad? Share your encounters with foreigners below.
About the Author
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23 Comments... join the discussion!
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So true, Anne! I was just thinking about this the other day because I got a hard core “dead eyes” running near the house. I go running every day up on the Cerro and I’d never seen this guy before – white foreign guy in expensive running gear – and I’m running right past him, like a meter apart, and I say “buenos dias” and get a total ignore. Wow. I have definitely done the silent commiseration thing with other foreigners, too – especially in Japan. There’d be that – “we’re-in-this-together-and-we’ll-silently-acknowledge-that” feeling, with the super awkward meeting of glances every ten seconds or so.
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Oh, so true. Especially the dead eyes, sadly. But the sympathizer too–met lots of cool folks on my last trip to share taxis with and get unlost with, and it all started with a look of commiseration.
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damn.
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Someone actually groaned when they saw you?!? Wow – what a travel snob! I guess she’s an open-minded person who wants to get to know new and interesting people – unless they aren’t natives.
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I have to admit I have let out groans and eyerolls despite myself. Not for running into another traveler, but for being spontaneously addressed in English. Why automatically assume that all white people are American/English speakers? Exchanging at least greetings in the local language seems like the polite thing to do. Or relying on gestual communication, like in Anne’s subway anecdote.
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Hahahaha Anne, you rock. I see this a lot in small towns too, where you’re not foreign. Driving along in my hometown someone will nod at me from behind the wheel, like the place is so small you should automatically know one another. Kinda cool.
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In Craftsbury, VT, we wave at just about every car.
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You know, I hate the weak chit-chat even more than the dead eyes. Great piece!
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I used to do the head nod too, but now that everyone does it I just say “What’s up whitey?”
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Totally on point!
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Ha, this post is so right on. In Japan some foreigners joke about encountering other gaijin who exude a “get out of MY Japan” attitude, as if the presence of another foreigner was an imposition on their experience.
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Well now I have a heads up on what to expect when I start travelling later this year. So hope I don’t run into dead eyes.
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Great list – it’s so true!
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I like to give a variation of The Nod to travelers who come through my city…I think in America people ten to look past travelers little more. Giving someone the nod or saying hi makes me feel good and lets me in on the vicarious world of their journey.
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Great to see this MatadorTravel blog post show up on the Network!
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I wish I lived there. I remember the good times when I was traveling abroad and a local would do just about anything to help you. I feel that when abroad that is ignored and taken for granted while the traveler thinks he is entitled to it. Being back home it is depressing how no one waves, no one cares, only focused on their single path. I think that all tourists or travelers should take advice from these cultures and understand how lucky they are to be amongst people whose days are made when you butcher their language just to try and order some noodles. That is appreciation for different cultures.
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That was very funny and very true – thanks Anne.
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I agree with what some others have mentioned here that Japan is a particularly special place for these incidences (at both ends of the spectrum).
My husband and I once had a Russian tourist cycle up to us in our small town on the coast where there are very few non-Japanese expats or travellers. He was so excited and animatedly told us how to get to the nearest beach (We had beach stuff with us.) and a whole bunch of other stuff I couldn’t quite deduce until he finally took a breath long enough for us to indicate that we weren’t Russian. He thought it was hilarious that he’d said all that and we hadn’t a clue what he was talking about. At least we’d made a connection!
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This article is so true! I love meeting people when traveling and hearing their story of why they are in the same spot as me. It’s also always mind blowing when you meet someone from the same area as you or that knows the same person. I was in Venice last February during Carnevale and actually met the cousin of a random friend. But I can be a little understanding of the frustration of some travelers. I would never be annoyed with someone being in the same place as me, but I hate being associated with the same obnoxious behavior other travelers can have. The same weekend I was in Venice there were a lot of other American students celebrating Carnevale who were drunken fools the entire time. I like to remain low-key instead
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I’m not sure I’ve experienced the nod! In Pakistan, we saw so few foreigners that we usually ended up chatting with them and getting into some great conversations. Either that, or it we were in a restaurant with local friends and came across some other foreigners with their local friends, we’d just avoid eye contact and talk about them later! They probably did the same with us.
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I never understand those fellow travellers that avoid eye contact. I love to talk to fellow travellers & learn their stories. Why they are on the road & in that particular place. met a lot of lovely people this way & heard many great stories.
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Hi Anne! This article is dead on! I wish I’d had friendlier encounters in Korea. It seemed I always got the Dead Eyes. I mentioned it one day to a group of people and some guy explained: “If we were back home I wouldn’t talk to you randomly on the street; so why would I talk to you just because we are in a foreign country?” I can see where he was coming from but sometimes I could literally see people trying to “not see” me as we passed by. I know you saw me like two blocks ago!
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