Balloon photo by jesse.millan. Feature photo by ^riza^.
Here are some practical tips on how to raise happy, well-adjusted children while living overseas.
Your daughter is twelve years old and on her second passport. Her first passport is tattered and filled with stamps from Asia and the Middle East. This one looks set to go the same way.
Photo by broma
She was born in Boston but has only visited there during Christmas.
Her birthday parties are like a UN General Meeting. You watch in amazement as she moves between three languages while collecting her gifts .
When you took that first overseas posting, you weren’t even thinking about children. Back then, you never thought past the next contract. Then you got married, and suddenly there were diapers in your suitcase.
While your friends back home recreate their own childhood with their families, life as an expat parent is very different.
But traveling and living abroad with your family can be the most rewarding thing you’ll do together. You just need to make a few preparations and adjustments.
Who are the Expat Kids?
Some children think a nomadic life is normal; they’d put any Khao San road backpacker to shame.
Children from military, missionary and business families clock up the miles, sometimes before they’re even old enough to understand what’s happening.
Researchers working with these children call them ‘Third Culture Kids’. They discovered that children take what they know or remember from their home culture, and mix it with their host culture to make a third mixed-up bag that works just fine for them.
So, for example 90% of those recently surveyed here said they felt they understand foreigners better than the average American and 80% said they can make friends with anyone.
Photo by Cia de FotoWhat do Expat Kids worry about?
Well, you need to listen to them. Your own relocation issues might seem bigger but knowing that Santa will find her little sister is a big deal for your twelve-year old.
Take the time to find out as much as you can about the new culture so you can recognize things like tasty fruit or dangerous spiders.
If your children look radically different to the people in your new home, be ready for some healthy curiosity and prepare your kids for life as a minor celebrity if you’re moving to a rural area.
Playing games is a big part of life for many kids, but ice-hockey isn’t big in the tropics and the football isn’t quite what you’re expecting. Talk to other expat parents online and find out what they do and how to join in.
What language should you speak abroad?
Sure, everyone at your workplace will speak English, and the staff provided for your home will probably do the same, but do you want your kids to continually impose English on their friends or learn some local words?
Even a six-month stay can leave them with an appreciation for the way the non-English speaking world runs.
Schooling for Expat Kids
Your choices for longer stays usually include:
- an international school
- the local school
- home schooling
The familiarity of English and the curriculum are the benefits of the international school system. Most countries have American schools and if not, then the UK system comes a close second.
Photo by LizMarieYour kids can mix with other expat children and their local classmates are the perfect way for your kids to find out what the country is really like.
But because of the exclusive nature of most of these schools, some parents take the local option. If your kids are younger and not facing exams, then this could be a great experience for them with guaranteed local friends.
But do remember that their first weeks here will be tough. Being the new kid on the block is never easy, and if they don’t speak a word of the language, it’s even harder.
The third option is home-schooling, which is easier than ever before, with so much support online. Home-schooling is a good choice in countries where one parent can’t work because of visa restrictions.
Expat Kids at College
When your little girl grows up, you’ll be making college choices from Kuwait to Switzerland. Once again, the internet comes to the rescue. Whether your kids are seen as local or international students varies from school to school, so make sure you ask before completing the applications – are they in the smaller and coveted international pool or competing with everyone else?
Photo by Josiah MacKenzieGive your child time to investigate colleges online, and think about whether they want to go back to their native country or not.
For some Third Culture Kids, going back to a normal life isn’t all that exciting. It might be a shock to discover that your kids are bored rigid at the thought of studying where you call home, but think of the savings in tuition fees.
Expat Kids Love Life
Don’t stress too much. Most expat kids are incredibly well-adjusted and have friends all over the globe. They get to visit worlds that most teenagers just see on television and are comfortable with traveling in a way many older people only dream about.
And it’s not just about travel; these kids tend to be more tolerant than children raised in only one culture. If you’re still not convinced, just look at the most famous Third Culture Kid in the world today: Barack Obama.
About the Author
Related Posts
17 Comments... join the discussion!
-
-
I wish I’d grown up as an expat kid! Thanks for this fantastic article; I haven’t read about this subject elsewhere, and can see you clearly know the topic well!
↵ -
Hi, thanks for the post. I’m raising a Third Culture child. We are living in Costa Rica for now, moving to Guatemala soon. He speaks three languages, so assimilating won’t be hard for him. My main concern is what you said, the new kid on the block. Here he has his life, his friends. There it’s starting fresh. I’m excited to go, but don’t want him to be damaged too much with the change of school and scenery! However, I love being an expat more than anything in the world. Hopefully, my kid will have the same appreciation for travel as I do:)
↵ -
Thanks for the comments everyone, glad it’s interesting !
Marina – I’m sure that he will love travel as much as you do. It’s true that it’s not a a walk in the park being the new kid but TCKs seem to have a great resiliance and ability to make friends really quickly in comparison with kids from more settled backgrounds. They’re tougher than they look !
↵ -
Thanks for the words of encouragement. The move is happening in 2 months and I’m a bit nervous:)
↵ -
I wonder if 3rd Culture Kids really exist any more in today’s world. It was coined in the 60’s… a time when expats were much more isolated by snail mail & expensive calls. The internet and free skype webcams makes things so different now.
We have been traveling the world as a family since 2006 and my daughter has gone to a local school in Spain in her 2nd language for 1st, 2nd & 3rd grade and we haven’t seen any signs of it yet.
We find she can immerse deeply into her second culture in our tiny 15th century village, while at the same time staying fully connected to her home culture. She can do flamenco classes with the kids here or participate in the festivals in Spanish, then come home and call friends in California on her webcam for free and tell them about it in English or talk about the latest happening.
We homeschool all year round in English, and she goes to school here for 5 months out of the year in Spanish. She has been bilingual from birth, so it was and is a very easy & natural adjustment. With her blond hair and blue eyes, she does look different than most, but it was no barrier to her fitting in and she had a best friend and request for a playdate on her very first day!
Even at her young age, the internet makes a huge difference to these digital natives. She takes piano classes over webcam with a teacher in Chicago and she takes online classes with kids from all over the U.S, after school in English, through John Hopkin’s University’s Center for Talented Youth Program.
We are world traveiers ( 29 Countries, 4 continents so far on our open ended world tour) , not expats, but I think it’s time to get a new name beside 3rd culture as some see that as a negative. I think only the pluses are left today.
There is a HUGE difference between Obama’s experience ( and those expats and travelers of that time period) and the my child’s experience ( or any of the expat kids that I know). The internet makes the world a smaller place!
↵ -
Same here, Julie! Only hope I can give the experience to my kiddos.
↵ -
Thanks for your thoughtful comment SoulTraveler. I bet we could do a whole article on how to home-school kids with the help of the Internet while living abroad. Your stories of your family adventures are always inspiring.
↵ -
Wow. I guess I’m an Third Culture Kid. My parent’s worked for the U.S government and we traveled abroad. ALOT. It’s really great to read an article that is specific to how grew up. It’s rare to see and honestly incredibly refreshing. Trying to explain my lifestyle to those who didn’t grow up the same way has been…interesting. At least now I can reference something. Thank you.
↵ -
Thanks for the comment, Kit. Where in the world did you grow up?
↵ -
This is exactly how I would like my future children to be. Exposed to more than the United States, more than one country, and more than one language.
SoulTraveler – How exactly are you and your family funding this world trip and can you give me your secrets?
Great article by the way, Niamh, you gave fantastic information!
↵ -
SoulTraveler – sounds like an incredible journey, I hope you kids love you for it! Look forward to hearing more about how the homeschooling works.
Thanks Madison – it’s amazing how much you can learn travelling around , now if only I didn’t have to work as well !
↵ -
Great writing and comments. I’ve been prodding the English Sensei from the UK in my village to write on this topic. She’s raising two sons here and they attend Japanese schools and speak like native Okinawans. I’d pay them to translate for me, but, I can’t understand the Queen’s English !
↵ -
Great article, Niamh. For a more in-depth look at raising “nomadic third-culture kids,” you might want to take a look at a documentary we made – “BRATS: Our Journey Home” – at http://www.bratsfilm.com. It’s the first feature-length documentary to look at the short and long-term effects of growing up mobile and living overseas. We focus on military “brats,” but the issues seem to be universal, whether you’re military, missionary, government, or corporate. The film was made by our nonprofit, Brats Without Borders. As you said, there are a lot of wonderful things about growing up this way. But there are also some difficult, long-term issues, such as the inability to commit, trust and relationship problems, etc. Thanks for shining a light on our overlooked culture!
Warmly,
Donna Musil, Executive Director
Brats Without Borders, Inc.↵ -
Thanks Donna , glad you found it useful.
I had a look at your website, what a great idea for a doco – it’s definitely time that this group of people got some more attention. I look forward to watching the whole DVD at some stage , I’ll probably learn a lot from it.
↵ -
Soul travelers comments on if third culture kids still exisit really depends on where they are bringing up their child. It sounds like their child has lots of contact with their ‘home’ culture.
I grew up in the Pacific where there wasn’t any interent, we didn’t get a phone to our part of the Island until the year before we came home (So I could do high school in Australia). Someone who has similar experiences to me i think is still a third culture kid. But I would say my experience is very different to a child growing up in a western non-home culture.I think the differences hit home the most when you get back to your parents home culture.
↵ -
i was home schooled too but i would still prefer regular schools.”*,
↵
