Feature and Above Photo: Dave Austria
How to become a masterful couchsurfer.
Couchsurfing can be daunting. I mean, how does one navigate the process of asking a stranger for a place to sleep for the night? That’s why I’ve decided to take a page from Kelly Diel’s book and offer all readers the opportunity to ask advice, tips or any questions you might have about Couchsurfing.
I’ll begin with answering a few questions that seem to come up often. Then you’ll have the change the chance to ask anything you’ve ever wanted to know about Couchsurfing.
What’s my Couchsurfing experience?
I’ve been an active member of Couchsurfing for the last four years. I’ve couchsurfed as a family and alone. I’ve hosted tons of people and both created and taken part in Couchsurfing meetups in Europe, the United States, Canada, Central and South America. I even partied and peeled potatoes with the Couchsurfing camp at Burning Man.
I feel comfortable rocking up in any city in any country on this planet confident in the fact I’ll be able to find a place to stay, a group for a drink or simply someone to give advice about how to find a bus to the next town.
I’m happy to help you develop the same sort of resource and community in Couchsurfing as well.
How Can I Create A Profile That Makes Others Want To Host Me?
Of all the questions people ask, oddly, this one rarely comes my way. But I think it is probably the most important. The answer is relatively simple, logical and can be answered as easily as one, two, three.
One. Be yourself. Be real. The more honest you are about who you are and what you want in a host or travel experience, the more likely you are to find what you need.
Feature and Above Photo: Mike {Mike Murrow Photography}”
Don’t be afraid to include your interests and personal opinions. A potential host is more likely to respond to a request when your profile overlaps with similar interests. That connection can lead to a fantastic surfing experience because, believe it or not,you’ve dispensed with all small talk by reading each others profiles and can immediately get down to the business of having fun.
Two. Begin meeting people and building up your friends and references before you send out your first couch request.
When I receive a couch request, I immediately look at how many friends a person has and then read all the references. Friends and references let me know how invested you are in the Couchsurfing community. You don’t need to be an card-carrying t-shirt wearing Couchsurfing ambassador, but I do want to know you’re not just popping on the site for a free place to stay.
References and friends also let me know that others have had positive experiences with you. They allow me to trust you. If we have friends in common, even better.
Three. Make sure your friends and references are real-life, real-time connections.
Nothing sets of my No-Surfing-With-Me alarm bell faster and louder than a profile with all or mostly online-only connections. On online-only friend only tells me that you’ve contacted someone through an e-mail or chat. Maybe you’ve even sent a friend request to someone you don’t know. It tells me nothing about whether you’re a good guest or if you get along with people face-to-face.
I have about 140 friends on Couchsurfing. Only two are online-only. Both of those are people I’ve known for well over a year and with whom I have developed an actual friendship.
How does Couchsurfing differ from other forms of social media?
Please, don’t treat your Couchsurfing account the same way you would Twitter, Facebook, Foursquare or even Linked In. While you’re welcome to e-mail whomever you want for advice — of course they may not respond — the last thing you want to do is fill your Couchsurfing profile with a bunch of people you barely know.
I already told you the first thing I do when evaluating a profile is read references. If a person has tens of references, but none of those people seem to know him beyond a couple jokes and a drink, I still know nothing about that person.
But if you’ve helped someone lay down a concrete floor in their basement, babysat their children and cooked a meal for them, then I know something. Now if you’ve had similar interactions with twenty different people, I begin to get a real sense of who you are.
I admit, when I first began Couchsurfing, I did add friends in an attempt to bulk up my profile. We all do it to some extent. And that is a fine strategy for just about any other social media forum. Not Couchsurfing.
It’s the strength of my connections that matter. You’re asking people to open up their homes and lives to you. Many have children. Would you trust your home and family with someone you know only through a few tweets and a short profile?
So how do you meet people prior to sending out your first couch request?
Simple. Check groups. There’s a group for just about everything, too. From women traveling solo to stamp collecting to families welcome and literally everything in between.
That’s where you’ll find meetings, get togethers, mash-ups, people looking for a coffee, for someone to share a car rental, places to volunteer. Join one of these get togethers. Get to know people in real-time in real life.
I joined up with Los Comelones in Costa Rica a few years ago. They meet once every month or so to try new restaurants in and around San Jose. Randall e-mailed me about it, but he couldn’t go that night. Since that night a group of us met for Peruvian Japanese food, Randall visited us. We’ve stayed with him in San Ramon. We’ve gone out drinking and eating. We’ve cooked together. He’s referred his friends to us and vice versa. I’ve even written an article about him.
It’s amazing where one seemingly minor e-mail can lead.
What else do you want to know about Couchsurfing?
Now it’s your turn to ask anything you want to know about Couchsurfing. Small or big. Complicated or simple. Just ask your question in comments below.
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12 Comments... join the discussion!
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Hi Bea,
I can’t tell you for sure why some people were willing to host you before but now aren’t. It is possible they were looking to hook up and now realize it’s not possible with your boyfriend there, but it’s just as likely they can’t host now because they don’t have room for more than one extra person on their couches.
As for the rumor that Italian men will leave you without a place. Obviously, I can’t speak for ALL Italian men, but some of my best Couchsurfing friends are CS ambassadors in Italy. Rome, Firenze and La Spezia to be exact.
In that sense, though, surfing with your boyfriend automatically cuts out any hosts who only want you there for sex.
I will also add that Italy is one of the most popular places for travel, and it’s not always so easy to find a place, especially now that it’s summer. So it’s best to start a couple weeks before, ask around. Go to meetings and see if you can meet people who can give you advice about the specific city and couchsurfing community.
I hope that helps. Feel free to let me know if you have any other questions.
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Nice post. As someone who hosts couchsurfers all the time, when we get request, here’s what we check on their profile: 1) must have profile photo(s) 2) must have at least some real-life friends 3) must have references – we’ve made some exceptions to this one 4) must have info about themselves (at least some) AND their couch situation 5)must not have joined yesterday:)….other than the profile, the actual request message is the first filter — if you don’t mention our names or have obviously not read our profile -you’re out. To Bea: you may want to modify your couchsearch criteria to include people that are willing to host 2 people and those that are couples/several people themselves. We host as a couple and have found that we are more likely to host couples than singles…
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Excellent points, Elena. Thanks for adding your tips.
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Thank you for the tips Leigh. Am really new with couchsurfing, only have one friend and no reference yet. Now I know what to do, complete my profile first
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Glad you found this helpful, Adri. It can be really overwhelming when you first start. When I began, I didn’t even know about references and friends until I got back from my first CS meetup and had all these e-mails in my inbox.
It took a while to get the hang of it, but if you’re ever in doubt, you can always ask an ambassador or really anyone who you think might be able to answer your question. Or feel free leigh@matadornetwork.com
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I haven’t joined couchsurfing yet, but I do plan to start traveling soon. However, since I would be a lone traveling female, I’m a bit pensive to do this rather than go somewhere with more security. Is couchsurfing very safe for a single female in her 20’s? Any advice or tips, anything to steer away from as a single woman couchsurfing?
Thanks so much!
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Rebekah,
Really good question.
A couple things I can suggest. Check out the CS Groups. You can do a search from the main Groups page to find travelers of all types and interests.
One of the larger ones I know geared specifically for solo women is the Independent Women’s group. There you can find plenty of women to answer questions and also many looking for travel partners.
I also recently reviewed The Art of Solo Travel: A Girl’s Guide on Matador Goods. The author, Stephanie Lee, couchsurfed extensively on her one year trip.
Some other suggestions. Start surfing with women only. Some people feel more comfortable with couples. Make sure whoever you surf with has solid references. You can also make an arrangement to meet people before arriving at their place, perhaps at a CS meetup or to meet for a drink or dinner. If you don’t feel comfortable with the arrangement, find somewhere else to stay.
In all cases, traveling solo or not, always have a Plan B. It never hurts.
As you gain more experience with the site, choosing hosts and gauging your own comfort level will become easier, too.
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Great article! Hospitality exchanges like Couchsurfing.com and Tripping.com are such powerful conduits for awesome interactions with people from all parts of the globe.
I think it’s interesting that what in your opinion differentiates Couchsurfing from other forms of social media is the emphasis on the real-world aspect rather than just focusing on an online relationship. That statement made sense when I read it. But I can’t help but wonder if you are over-looking the value and depth of relationships that can be built and maintained online. I am not saying that in-person interactions are not the most straightforward way of confirming non-creepiness; but I am saying that online interactions should not be discounted because they can be a powerful tool for gaining insight into another person’s character and values and even quirks.
As an example, I’ve lived in the same 7-unit apartment building for 3 years. There is only one other flat on our floor, and my neighbor Dick lives there. I run into Dick in the hall 3 or so times a week, and I always make a point to stop and chat with him; but I actually know more about someone whose blog I read and DM via twitter than I do about him. I know my blogging friend also prefers Mexican Coca-Cola versus the American one and used to love watching the Smurfs; I have no idea whether Dick’s ever tasted Coca-Cola made in Mexico or if the Smurfs were even around when he was a kid. These are not exactly topics that come up in regular conversation but would help me be a better host, for example by knowing to stock Mexican Coca-Cola if my online friend ever came to visit or be a value-contributing connection in their life, maybe sharing with them the retail location another friend discovered where they can get the tasty fizziness in their own city. Online interactions I find bring out a lot of different details about one’s life that would just not come up in an in-person interaction. I think both are important, and a combination is ideal.
Also, I think that social media interactions prior to hosting someone provide a thread that is easy to follow after the hosting is over, facilitating the continuance of the connection. In fact, as a tool for staying connected, social media knocks it out of the park. I love meeting fascinating people on my travels, but what I enjoy even more is being able to stay connected with them. For that, I use social media. My Facebook account, for example, doesn’t have a bunch of strangers in it. I only accept friend requests from people with whom I feel comfortable sharing updates. As I have friends in a lot of different countries, online communication, interactions not restricted to a time zone, are the easiest way for me to stay in touch with them – and facilitates eventual in-person interactions when we manage to visit each other.
I totally agree with what you’re saying about wanting to know more concrete things about people before opening up your home to them, especially if you have children. Actually I think that if I had children my hyper protective instincts would set in, and I would host travelers as far as spending the day with them walking about my home city and having them over for dinner; but I would not invite them to sleep over until the next time they were in town – and then only if we were able to stay in touch via email and social media.
Clearly you believe in the power of social media or you would not be writing this piece and sharing it with everyone on MatadorAbroad. But I wonder, do you underestimate the power of social media to create meaningful connections? It just seems that being someone’s friend online has evolved from being a keen interest of mostly loners who are incapable of establishing meaningful in-person relationships to being something that involves taking an interesting life and personality and communicating that through social media. To me, online relationships are not a way of escaping from or obscuring reality. In fact, I would argue that the opposite is true; the more of you “real self” you are able to distill into your online persona, the more successful you will be at making meaningful friendships online.
Are we saying the same thing? It seemed to me like your article was dismissive of online-only connections. Is that the case? Do you believe that social media will continue to take a back seat to all-things-in-person as far as the future of travel?
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Hi Anis,
I hear what you’re saying, and I’d like to clarify my point.
I very much believe in social media and online connections as a way to get to know people. I don’t see online as a way to separate from people and have been using all my social media profiles to connect with people in many different ways.
The distinction I’m making with Couchsurfing is because couchsurfing references and friendships are used by the community as a form of evaluation. If I don’t know someone well enough to give them a real evaluation, one that can help others when making a choice whether or not to allow that person into their homes, I don’t want to add that to my profile.
Bottom line, I usually don’t feel comfortable telling another person to accept someone in their house without having real world solid experience with that person. No matter how much I know about them from online. There are exceptions, and like i said, that doesn’t stop me from having them surf with me, after which, I happily give a wonderful reference.
It’s really only recently that the CS world and the blog/social media world have begun to overlap. I’d say the first three years of my CS experience, this was the case. So to add them as a friend didn’t provide any more information than you’d gain by reading their profiles.
Lately, though, I’ve been running into many more bloggers and people I know from other social media sources on Couchsurfing. Since I already know them from elsewhere. We generally have other blogger friends in common, and often they’ve met friends of mine elsewhere, I don’t feel the need to pore over their CS profiles as closely.
As for couchsurfing with a child, I may be more cautious, but that doesn’t get in the way of finding countless amazing people to meet for drinks, host and stay.
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Thanks for the tips!
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