Photo by wili-hybrid
Traveling with a group of friends isn’t always easy. Here are some tips to help you deal.
For months, you’ve been excited about you and six of your friends traveling through Southeast Asia together. It’s going to be an amazing trip!
But one month into your six-month journey, you’ve begun to despise the way that Friend 1’s jaw clicks when he eats. You can’t stand the penny pinching of Friend 2 or the fussy dietary needs of Friend 3.
Finally, the whining about everything else from Friends 4, 5 and 6 is driving you crazy.
These people are ruining what was supposed to be the most amazing trip ever!
Photo by Jordan Fischer
Could This Have Been Avoided From the Start?
I know that traveling with a large number of your friends may sound like the coolest thing ever, but the truth is, more buddies often equals more problems.
Try keeping the number of travel companions small. A group of between 2 – 4 friends is a good size.
Next, know who you’re traveling with. Outside of culture shock, learning to co-exist with the people you’ve chosen to travel with is probably the biggest adjustment that you’ll learn to make on the road.
Sure, everyone gets along back home when you’re partying together, but you need to find travel partners who you already know you can spend lots of time with.
It’s also a good idea to learn beforehand what sort of traveling your companions have in mind.
For example, there’s no point having your heart set on temples and jungle treks if everyone you’re traveling with wants to just lay on the beach all day.
Photo by wili-hybrid
Tell your friends what you want to do. If their eyes begin glazing over, you might want to rethink your trip with these people.
Not to suggest that everyone you travel with must want to do exactly what you want to do…but why knowingly put yourself in a position that’s prime for future contention?
It’s Too Late For All That, I Need Help Now!
If you didn’t find out beforehand that no one you’re traveling with has the same travel style, that’s okay too.
Remember that you’re not all contractually obligated to be together 24-7. Everyone has their own reasons for wanting to travel and different places mean different things to everyone.
If plans differ, don’t feel bad about suggesting that everyone does their own thing. Traveling with others requires personal space now and then.
Photo by link
Still no peace?
Try removing yourself from disagreements before they become arguments. Honestly, it really doesn’t matter how your friend thinks that the island of Phuket is pronounced. Just let it be.
Arguing is a huge waste of your time and your trip. In the past when I’ve had problems with my travel companions, I’ve simply gone quiet, speaking when spoken to and otherwise spending my time seeing and exploring. It works.
If all else fails, you can always just tell the truth.
Once while traveling across Italy with a group of friends, several setbacks to our plans, financial problems and outright exhaustion had us all at each others’ throats.
We decided then and there to sit down, drink a bottle of vodka, and tell one another what annoyed us about each other.
This sounds like a recipe for disaster, but it actually worked. From that point on, we were all aware of the boundaries and feelings of one another on various topics. It didn’t completely cure our fighting, but it did help to calm things down a great deal.
Relax, Reflect, Repair
Photo by freewine
Last but not least, don’t forget to be patient with your friends.
Yes, they may say and do a lot of things that drive you crazy. Just try to remember that culture shock and jet lag can make people behave differently than you ever thought they would.
This includes you, too. Anyone who grew up with siblings has probably heard their mother tell them that it takes two to argue. Well, Mom, you were right.
Before you make the big choice to tell all your travel buddies that they are horrible people, take a look at yourself.
Self-reflection is no easy task, but an afternoon of introspection might be just the thing to make you realize that many arguments can be avoided.
Travel can be brutally revealing at times. Don’t avoid the truths that often become evident as a result. It’s all part of the experience. In the end, a traveler who can rapidly adjust to less than ideal situations is a wise one.
The bad times won’t last, so learn to build up your patience levels in order to ensure that the good times do.
Community Connection!
If you want to connect with like-minded travelers, check out the people of the Matador travel community. If you need to go solo for a while, well, we’ve got you covered there too – check out the popular article How to Escape an Undesirable Travel Mate.
Happy travels!
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23 Comments... join the discussion!
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Pooh – Ket. Haha.
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Thanks. Great words all around. After 8 weeks on the road my BF and I are still enjoying each other’s company. We’ve gotten through the inevitable arguments by taking time apart, reminding each other that they are natural, and letting each other be grumpy sometimes.
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Traveling with a boyfriend / girlfriend – that’s a whole ‘nother kettle of fish! Thanks for the comment, Jen, and safe travels!
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I am traveling with my BF soon…He is definitely going to have to to deal with the fact that I am grumpy ALOT of the time haha
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This is the ultimate test of compatibility. My wife and I traveled 3 months together in a campervan, tight quarters, 24/7 before we were married. After surviving that, we knew marriage would be a piece of cake! (that’s a joke, marriage – and all relationships really – is not a piece of cake)
Good luck!
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An excellent article with excellent advice. I’ve only traveled with friends once and while it was overall a great experience, I know my penny pinching drove her nuts. Another time, my travel companion decided that he hated the third world. It’s important to travel with people whose expectations and budget match yours. Being angry on a vacation is a waste of precious time!
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Good points, Liv, thanks for the comment!
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Ah, the old vodka + honesty trick. Coulda used that on a couple different occasions.
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tequila, on the other hand, leads to nothing but lies.
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Lies are the best-case scenario for tequila…
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this was a great read.
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I have found that even traveling with friends you meet on the road can be challenging. You give up a lot when you go with a group. Solo opens many more doors of experience, even traveling as a duo limits the potential of travel.
good piece.
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If your friend is a whiner who can’t seem to bring herself to go taste wine in Napa …. it’s ok to go alone and just take small sips. Man …. I seriously had to taste wine ALONE awhile ago. Oh well.
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Great article.
I think if there’s a mutual understanding between two parties, then it’s ok to do different things on the same trip. For example. I went to Peru with 8 friends. Some of us wanted to paraglide over the Sacred Valley. Some of us wanted to hike around Cusco. So we parted ways for the day, came back together over dinner, shared our adventures and pics, and a blast was had by all.
NOW, if you’re traveling with someone who insists on doing the things he/she wants and tries to get you to do same, then obviously, that’s a problem. But with that there’s an underlying issue of lack of boundaries and respect.
Overall, communication is key.
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You have great ideas but in reality, you do not know someone until you travel or live with them. Last trip with a friend was ruined by claims from the other side of being the easiest person I’ll ever travel with. Turned out to be the exact opposite. I now go back to traveling solo and prefer it so much more, which is why my blog is dedicated to spirited women.
Traveling with a boyfriend/girlfriend, on the other hand, can be good or bad depending on how much “living” you’ve actually done together beforehand. Buona fortuna.
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breaking up is hard to do… I’ve counseled a couple of groups of people on how to cut their losses and just break up on the road. I guess sometimes it’s the best way, but while I’d take a vacation with some friends, long-term travel for me has thus-far been a solo activity.
Good points to consider though!
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Traveling with someone is like moving in together…you don’t really know each other till you do it.
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On road trips my good friend and I have mandatory ‘alone times’ about an hour long that we stick to from day one. It works out well knowing that each day will have some time just to be by ourselves. We haven’t had too many arguments yet even though we have been in some really stressful situations.
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WOW!!! what a great article you hit it right on the nail. I have always been in love with traveling but never until now got around to doing it, due to friends of course. Plans to vacation with friends always seem great until it comes time to put down a payment or get up and go. My last trip with a large group of friends was a cruise, it was a great trip don’t get me wrong but everyone was not on the same page and put a little damper on the experience. Im the kind of traveler that doesn’t like to have an itinerary and not many people can travel that way, they need things set in stone. (I believe that is one sure way to set yourself up for disappointment)
I have come to realization that sometimes you just need to go alone, there are tons of other travelers that you will meet who will be on the same page. Recently I have been traveling so much and it has been amazing. All of my trips so far have been with either random people or people I haven’t known for a long period of time.
I also plan on going to Thailand soon “Foooo Keeeet” lol. It’s something I have been planning for a little while now and tons of friends have been showing interest, all of which I have been telling “NO!!!”. I refuse to take that trip with people who are not open minded and its also a trip I want to do completely solo. Friends will always be back home “Their Comfort Zone” when you return and you will have stories to tell for ages.
Once again this article is amazing and I shall forward it to the next friend who says they want to accompany me on my travels. The only person who knows their own friends is you and if you both like “All Inclusive” it will work but if one likes to be catered to and the other likes to roam free carrying out acts they have witnessed on animal planet, this can be hazardous.
Thank you
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Thanks for your thoughts, Stephen, and have fun in Thailand.
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I think people sometimes use travel buddies as emotional pin pads. When the travels get tough, people usually turn to the closest person and blame them. Once you identify that heated argument are just the result of high rev travel experience, you start to see that you are in the moment experiencing the beauty of what travel can offer. I personally prefer traveling solo, but that’s just me.
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