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Tips for a successful reentry to the U.S. after studying, living, or traveling abroad.
You’ve been abroad and now you’re home. You’re more worldly, more cultured, and excited to share your experiences with your friends and family. You feel like a changed person, but the problem is, everyone else is exactly the same. And not only that, they expect you to be the same, too.
So how do you relate to them without coming across as braggy or snobby? Here are some suggestions from a kid who hasn’t been abroad yet, but who knows what it’s like to hear never-ending tales about Brazilian carnivals, Italian wine, and Australian rugby matches.This brings us to our first piece of advice:
1. Don’t go on and on and on and on.
Your friends and family are interested in your abroad experience, but that doesn’t mean you have to start every sentence with, “When I was abroad… ” followed by an hour-long narrative. People only want to spend so much time hearing stories and looking at pictures. Remember, no matter how fascinating an experience was for you at the time, not all experiences make for interesting stories.
Think twice before you: Turn a discussion about what kind of pizza your friends should order into a half-hour ramble about Thai stir fry.
Instead: Keep your stories specific, rather than just vaguely commenting on how nice this museum was or how awesome that monument was. Consider inviting your friends to a slideshow, during which you can share all the highlights of your experience during an allotted amount of time. Or, let your friends learn about your experience in their own time by sharing pictures and stories online.
2. Don’t pretend to be from your host country.
Yes, spending a semester in another country does help you get to know that country. Yes, you adopted new practices and tried new things. Still, let’s not lose perspective: You’re not actually from your host country. So while we encourage you to find ways to integrate your new knowledge into your life at home, remember that you can’t bring it all back with you.
Think twice before you: Greet your friends with two kisses on each cheek or send them off with a “ciao!”
Instead: Connect with people from your host country on campus or in your community if you’re feeling nostalgic. That way, you can continue learning about their culture and keep practicing some of those cultural customs that you miss.
3. Don’t act “holier-than-thou.”
One of the most exciting things about living abroad is being exposed to different tastes, perspectives, and practices. Sometimes this means reevaluating your own, whether that results in a newfound appreciation for quality coffee or newfound horror over the quantity of plastic bags that your compatriots use at the grocery store. Still, nobody wants to be lectured to, or hear you bash their tastes.
Think twice before you: Say something like, “I can’t believe you take 10-minute showers,” or, “I can’t believe I have to drink boxed wine again. We never drank that in Florence.”
Instead: Find positive ways to channel your newfound interests. Rather than lecture to your friends about water waste, take action by starting or joining a student group. If you want your friends to appreciate quality wine, take them to a nearby vineyard or a wine tasting. Trust us, they will have a lot more fun actively partaking in your interests than hearing you rant.
4. Don’t flaunt it.
It’s important to remember that it’s not possible for everyone to go abroad. There are factors that hold many people back, like financial restraints, academic requirements, or family matters. You’ve been afforded a great opportunity that isn’t necessarily available to everyone, even though it should be.
Think twice before you: Say something like, “Going to Denmark was the greatest experience of my life. You really need to get out of the country, Colin.”
Instead: Remember how lucky you are to have had this experience, and be sensitive when sharing stories with someone who hasn’t been abroad yet. You can also get involved in campus-level or national initiatives to expand study abroad so that more people can have the opportunity that you did.
5. Don’t hate on the United States.
Yes, it can be hard to settle back into your old American life. Maybe it seems boring and unexotic, or maybe new things suddenly bother you—the pace of life, the individualistic mentality, the mass consumption. But the fact is, there are many things that are wonderful about the United States, and they should not go unnoticed or unappreciated.
Think twice before you: Spend your weekend sulking in your dorm room or in your parents’ basement, complaining about the inferiority of your native country.
Instead: Walk through a new neighborhood, find a new restaurant, meet a new person. Go on a road trip with your friends, or take a cheap flight to somewhere you’ve never been. Sometimes we forget about how many cultural enclaves exist right here in our own country: Take time to explore them. Bring that eagerness to learn and explore home with you. And if you don’t always like what you find, use your newly expanded perspective to figure out how to make things better.
Community Connection
This piece was written by Colin May, an intern at Glimpse.org. Matador has recently acquired Glimpse.org and we strongly encourage you to head over there and check out Glimpse’s feature stories, articles, blogs, and tips.
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26 Comments... join the discussion!
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Great post, Sarah! I often find myself battling the urge to do many of these after returning to the States 2 months ago.
I would say, however, that for some people the host country truly does become their own. Reflexively, I still call China “home” and I guarantee you there’s no pretending there. Sure, 6 months might be too short to establish roots, but at some point you have to consider time to be a factor. After 4 years I feel I have a certain right to claim China as a major part of my life…
…then again maybe I’m the exact type of person who needs to read this article.
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yes!! and another thing NOT to do – stay home! head out for your next trip!!
it is wonderful when we can integrate new cultures and countries into our lives. being an intercultural person is such a joy.
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Will keep this article in mind when I return in two weeks!
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Great tips – not just applicable to US residents but people everywhere who happen to travel to some other place. I’ve been both guilty and annoyed by some of your highlights – LOL! Thanks for sharing
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Ha it’s funny how you could quite easily adapt this post to talk about friends who’ve just had babies, similarities are plentiful.
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There is NOTHING I despise more than a travel snob. Gah!
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Nice, thoughtful post. Since returning from my first Big One – a year ’round the world in ‘82 – (when I, one-by-one, showed a group of friends EVERY slide I’d taken during that year) I prefer now (with many other multi-month international journeys under my belt) to let How-I-Am be a reflection of How the Trip Was. Can I manifest the gift and blessing of the time I just had? Like the old writing maxim – Show don’t tell.
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Yeppp, I hate to admit that I’ve been guilty of a couple of these in the past.
I think that when you return home from abroad, it can seem as though nothing has changed in the lives of your friends and family. But even if they’re hanging out with the same people and drinking at the same bars, change is relative. Someone’s promotion at work or new organic gardening project is just as important to them as your month at a Darjeeling ashram was to you.
I’ve caught myself doing it; saying “oh, so things are the same with you, it seems.” But I remind myself that change isn’t always a big change, and news isn’t always big news, and if my friend will listen to my stories, I should listen with equal attentiveness to hers.
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Great article! I think it’s natural to catch yourself in some of these behaviors – after all, you’re still trying to process your time abroad and fit it into your lifestyle. As long as it avoids excess… listening to yourself and considering the effect of your words will help you avoid sounding like a schmuck.
If we’re adding to the list, I also recommend rationing the number of Thai shirts you wear per week. Sure, they look sweet – but the locals will be calling you Dr. No if you shun moderation. This, of course, didn’t happen to me.
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#1 is pretty irritating – as someone who has yet to go abroad, I had to listen to a friend of mine for (not kidding) 5 hours straight talk on the phone about her trip to Spain, Holland, and France. She talked for so long, by the end of the conversation I felt like *I* had been there too.
But the most irritating of the bunch is definitely #4. I once had a professor of mine tell me ‘you’re told old to have not been anywhere’ (I was 26 at the time). I guess it never occurred to her that there might actually be a reason (namely funds) and not just disinterest or laziness on my part. She made me feel really bad about it. So, please think before you speak.
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oops – meant to write ‘too old’
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These are great tips – I totally hate on the United States when I come back from abroad.
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Well done, Sarah!
I would venture to say your advice and tips have universal application, as Suzette & Paul mentioned above.
Another peeve of mine is just the opposite – when someone comes into a new place (whether it be a new town they’re moving to or a host country), and puts down the “way things are done here” vs the “way we did things back home” – just as annoying in my view!
Thanks for the tips – I’ll try very hard not to make these mistakes in my own relationships!
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This is pretty good!
I have grown up over seas and many of these rules I have internalized over the years. Although some of them were never problem for me. Either way they definitely ring true.
I do have to argue a little with the ‘not everyone can go overseas’ statement. One of my pet peeves is hearing people tell me how lucky I am to be able to travel so much. There is no luck involved. I worked my ASS off to be able to afford my jaunts overseas where I leave my family behind and sometimes take up time best used building a career. I once had to learn how to play an instrument in order to travel to china. I would spend every night until 3 am practicing the same measures over and over again (sometimes freaking out about how I would never be good enough) and then hear my brother the next day tell me how lucky I am because I get to go to china.
I realize everyone’s life is different but for those people who travel, luck has very little to do with it. We make it happen.
…I guess the part I really take issue with is the ‘remember how lucky you are’ part.
Sorry for the rant, just a pet peeve. Great article, though.
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Well Emily-d, I definitely agree with you. Frida said that a “professor” told her she was too old to have not traveled at age 26. The statement implies that she was having a conversation with HER professor. Which likely meant money was involved in going to some institute of higher education. That itself was a way she CHOSE to spend money.
I grew up in a quite poor, large family. Yet my first travel experience was at 19, to Europe. I went to college and would be classified as a “professional”, except, I truly enjoy traveling. So I don’t bog myself down with many creature comforts that those who are always lamenting about how ‘lucky’ I am, do.
If you take classes at a community college, you can afford to travel. If you can buy a designer purse, you can go on a trip. If you smoke cigarettes or drink beer or get your nails done, YOU can go venture abroad.
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Yes, point taken. We all make choices in life. I was attending a community college at the time and only working part-time so that I could focus on my studies. Don’t know if your final statements were directed at me or not, but I definitely was not buying any designer purses or feeding any vices. I was just trying pay my bills, rent, and keep up on car repairs (yes, it’s a choice to have a car also, I know).
The truth is, that professor’s statement probably hit me so hard because I realized I hadn’t made travel a priority in my life. People move at different speeds. People want things at different ages. Things have changed and now traveling is something I very strongly want to do. At that time it just wasn’t a great desire. Still, I take issue with people telling others things like ‘you’re too old to have not traveled’, etc. If people want to make travel a priority in their lives then they will. But really, it’s no one’s business if they don’t. Guess I just object to the self-righteousness of some traveler’s.
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I do know many folks that completed their around-the-world trip well before age 20 and spoke at least another language almost fluently. Some were really cool, but many seemed to be overinflated braggarts. So regardless of when you were bitten by the travel bug, let’s just celebrate that you have!
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gah, i am GUILTY of all of these since i’ve been home. it’s easy to live in the past in any given situation; some people abroad only talk about their lives at home! my work now is figuring out how to keep the stories flowing (in writing, people can read at their leisure!) and to stay present!
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Great post! I can say I have been guilty of all of those things. You live and learn. I really like # 5 Don’t hate on the United States. The US has so much to offer; however, we never take the time to discover what is in our backyards.
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it’s easy to forget that every moment we’re breathing, we’re moving, we’re traveling on this journey of life!
taking a traveler’s perspective to a 45 minute highway commute to work isn’t exactly my mind’s natural response, but you’re right. possible, but plausible? good call, megan.
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melissa – interesting . . . how do we, as writers, stay present when often (referring to writing about places I’ve been) we must live/re-live the past to do what we do? Sounds like a koan to me . . . one hand clapping.
I’m going to admit Here and Now that I, Scott, Live in the Past. I’m not (yet) a fiction writer, I write about the places I’ve been and the people I’ve met and myself in the context of both of those things. I dwell in the past! Revel in it! Roll around (sometimes naked) in it! There . . . I’ve said it . . . I feel a lot better for it.
But, I do return from the Past, occsaionally . . . friends of mine who live in the Present – all the time – require and deserve that
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hey scott – do it! roll and revel in those memories!
moderation, in moderation, i believe is key. i too surround my physical body and consciousness in magical golden morsels of moments, funny tidbits, glimpses of golden conversation. in this way i too roll around (in the most dog-like fashion) in the crunchy fallen leaves of the past. i just try not to throw handfuls of them at my friends and acquaintances
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I completely agree with your post. There is nothing I hate more than someone returning from 5 months in London with a british accent and saying they “cant help it they just picked it up”.
I think there should be a part two to this post as well, a 5 GUIDELINES TO FOLLOW WHEN ABROAD:
1. adopt to the local customs as best you can
2. manage your noise level when speaking, most places do not squeal like N. Americans do
3. Try to eat lots of local cuisine and not only McDonalds
4. Don’t walk around with your iphones/blackberrys etc… if you are in a much poorer country, its braggy and makes you a target for theift
5. Enjoy yourself, relax and go with the flow, dont take your stress with you.↵
