Photo: panoramas

A reader wrote to me:

I’m leaving this comment because since you have lived in Russia and know much more about what’s going on there than I do, I was wondering if you could answer a question for me. I was wondering, do you think it would even be smart at this point for a Black student to go to Russia to study? I was planning on going there after the summer for a year-long study abroad program but after hearing about all the racism I’m thinking that it might not be the right thing to do. Did you have a lot of close calls when you were over there?

This is a painful question for me.

On the one hand, I have had amazing experiences in Russia and I have been indelibly marked by the time I have spent with Russian history, literature and contemporary society. I can’t imagine my sense of the world outside of my interactions with Russia.

On the other hand, I simply don’t know if I can, in good conscience, advise people of Asian or African descent to travel to Russia in light of the continuing problem of racist violence.

In the past ten days, there have been attacks on Bangladeshi and Chinese students in Moscow, in addition to the earlier assaults this year on citizens of Cameroon and Vietnam. Last December, a nineteen-year-old African American was stabbed multiple times in Volgograd on his way home from the gym.

While these are certainly the most extreme types of violence, interviews with African students also reveal pervasive everyday racism in Russian society. If you travel to Russia, you are, quite frankly, playing a numbers game with your life and your well-being.

Photo: author

That said, you can do some things to improve your odds.

Personally, I was never attacked and I never experienced anything worse than dirty looks, stupid comments and mumbled threats. A number of factors probably account for my “luck” and I’ll share them with you, both as useful precautions and as information that might give you some insight into life in Russia for those of us of “non-Slavic appearance,” in case you are still considering your travel options even after the warning above.

First and foremost, I had the gift of genetics and a bad disposition–I am over six feet tall and, generally speaking, not of a soothing appearance; when I would hang out with African friends in Russia, they would joke that I was their bodyguard. To give you a more clear picture, a few years ago my high school students nick-named me “Mr. Buster, AKA Suge Knight.” If your friends haven’t given you a similar handle, then you should up your worry level a little.

Second, as soon as I got to Moscow, I asked other Asian and African residents about safety and took their recommendations very seriously. I rarely wandered around alone after dark. If there was a major soccer game, I avoided the subways and took a taxi instead to avoid the possibility of running into a crowd of drunken racist football hooligans.

In general, I kept an eye out for groups of sketchy-looking young men and walked away from them, even if it meant I would be late to wherever I was going. And, at the insistence of a Russian friend, I typically carried a small, easy-to-reach knife as a last resort.

Lastly, I tried to maintain a serious appearance—I wore a collared shirt and I always carried a briefcase (even when there was nothing inside of it) to look professional. This was mainly to fend off police shakedowns that tend to victimize people who the police think won’t have their papers in order and won’t want to take matters to their bosses or to court. I also worked on the assumption that skinheads targeted people that they perceived as weak, poor or unconnected.

In short, not a day went by that I didn’t consider the very real possibility of being attacked. I told myself that it was worth it to get my project done and I coped with the stress of constant worry. I also tried to focus on the positive interactions that I had with people in Russia.

Which is one reason why it hurts me to give such a negative report. Most people in Russia are not violent racists and I really love many things about Moscow: the libraries, the architecture, the museums, the street food, the random folks who chat with you at the market, the landlord who picks up the rent and stays to talk for three hours, the other migrants and foreigners who share the pain and the pleasures of being an outsider…

If you read through my posts from the year I spent in Moscow, it should give you some idea of my diverse feelings and experiences in Russia.

But can I responsibly tell a young person of color (who could presumably choose to travel to any country in the world) that it’s advisable to sign up for a year in Russia? Sadly, I just don’t think so.

The world is large and there are many options. You shouldn’t have to fear for your life every day.

UPDATE: I later learned of two more attacks on African students in Moscow; five persons were injured and three suffered stab wounds.

Community Connection

Planning on traveling to Asia? Get one traveler’s perspective about why racism in Asia might not be what you think. Matador’s Julie Schwietert has also written an excellent blog post about race, sex and economics in Cuba.

Photo: erikrasmussen

There are more laws in existence now than at any other point in history, and often the odd, archaic or stupid ones are easier to leave on the books than to bother voting away.

Did you know, for instance, that in British Columbia it is illegal to kill a Sasquatch?

Laws like this sprinkle the ledgers of the world, a testament to what lawyers will do if you give them too much leash.

The following are some of the more exceptional examples (thinking of making sweet love to a porcupine? Better read this first).

Immortality and Armor

In England it is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament wearing a suit of armor. This was apparently a problem.

But be careful without your armor, British politicians, because it is also illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament, and if you look sick, you will be quickly ushered out the doors.

One wonders about the legal ramifications that will ensue after death in Parliament. Maybe worried British politicians should move to North Korea where, instead of being slammed with a posthumous lawsuit, they’ll be crowned eternal rulers.

Photo: yeowatzup

Their predecessors can then become military dictators. And pursue nuclear arms programs. And try to solve their country’s hunger crisis by buying giant rabbits from Germany!

One such dictator, President Kim Jong-Il, has enacted legislation making his father, Kim Il-Sung, dead since 1994, the “Eternal President.”

I know the great leader casts a long shadow, Kim, but you’re 68. Time to move out of the basement.

Sex, Mothers-in-Law and Porcupines

Speaking of repressed Oedipus complexes, in a town in Colombia, the first time a woman has sex with her husband, her mother must be present.

The men there must sure be jealous of their counterparts in Wichita, Kansas, where the way a man treats his mother-in-law may not be used as grounds for divorce.

But these weren’t the only legislators with love and marriage in mind. In Argentina, feather beds are illegal. The reason? “Such an indulgence induces and encourages lascivious feelings.”

Whatever. It didn’t stop Mark Sanford.

And apparently nothing stopped the people who set the precedent making it illegal in Massachusetts to have sex with a rodeo clown in the presence of horses. I wish I could have seen the expressions on the couple’s faces when the stampede started…

In Florida it is illegal to have sex with porcupines. (Really?) While In Minnesota fish are off limits, but only to men.

Photo: aliferste

And in Headland, Alabama, no woman dressed in a nightshirt is allowed to be taken for a flight in a private plane.

Finally some place recognizes the deadly powers of the female nightshirt.

Denial is Good: Hot Pink Pants Are Not

Then to Australia, where taxis are required to carry a bale of hay, bars must provide food and water to their customers’ horses, and on Brighton Beach it is illegal to wear hot pink pants on Sunday afternoons.

Also banned is walking the streets in black clothes, felt shoes and black shoe polish. Apparently, these are the tools of a “cat burglar.”

Photo: hawk914

And if you’re Australian, and you’re feeling a little picked on, don’t. In your country it is legal for certain government officers to: treat an event that happened like it didn’t happen; treat an event that didn’t happen like it did happen; treat an event that happened like it happened at a different time; treat an event that happened like it happened at a different place; and treat an event that happened like it happened to a different person.

So, it’s fine. None of this happened. I never wrote this article and you never read it. But if you want some ammunition to fire back with next time you don’t get made fun of in an article that doesn’t exist, check out: dumblaws.com, wierdsexlaws.com, or lawguru.com.

The rest of you: try to set some new precedents, and good luck.

Community Connection

It’s always a good idea to check out the local laws before traveling somewhere. In particular, you might want to know not to flip the bird in Dubai or kiss in Guanajuato. And before you end up making desperate calls to your consulate, check out 12 things you don’t want to be caught doing in foreign lands.

Photo: billypalooza

There are some things you just don’t leave to chance when traveling under the nose of America’s most paranoid rent-a-cops, the TSA. Your great-grandfather’s hand-me-down hunting knife. A lighter used by George Clinton. Illegally adopted foreign children. There are some things that are understood as too precious to risk being confiscated.

But sometimes, people just can’t let it go. Below are a few cases of travelers who should have just forked over the extra fifty for the overnight shipping.

A Round of Applause

Sixty-six rounds of applause, in fact, goes to this traveler who must have mistaken his bullets for…well, to be honest, a bullet is pretty inexcusably obvious. Given that bullets are essentially a bomb that uses the gun to light its fuse, sixty-six of the mini-bombs definitely falls under some shade of the Terror Alert color “really f*ing red.”

Photo:Arthurrh

Personally, I recommend starting with one round before moving up to level sixty-six.

The Case of the Case Made of Coke

This one just sounds like something out of a warped episode of Scooby-Doo. At the Santiago Airport in Chile, a woman was arrested for carrying two suitcases…but they weren’t just any suitcases…(cue gasp)

“The drug was not hidden in the luggage. This time the suitcases were the drug,” said Detective Leandro Morales of the Santiago airport.

That’s right, the suitcases were made nearly entire out of cocaine. Specifically, a substance combining cocaine with resin and glass fiber that could later separate the drug through a chemical process. Morales said they nabbed her because the suitcases were heavier than what was inside.

Last Call Before Boarding

Sometimes you’ve gotta know when to cut your losses. But then again, sometimes it might be better to just drink them.

On his way home from vacationing in Egypt, a 64 year-old Dresden man couldn’t wait to get home to have a nice, relaxing drink after traveling.

Photo:andym8y

So, when airport security informed him that it would have to get home some other way, he decided to chug the entire liter of vodka–that’s 22 and a half shots–right at the security gate. A doctor was immediately called to the scene and determined the man would likely die of extreme alcohol poisoning.

Some of his fellow boozing countrymen might have applauded this extreme act of masculinity and intestinal fortitude, but history shows that they’re clearly outmatched by the Bulgarians.

Another Samuel L. Jackson Flick?

The twenty-first century has seen a lot of new fears regarding traveling by plane: Concealed weapons. Shoe-bombs. Snakes. Now, you can add monkeys.

In what might have been the greatest victory for travel libertarians in the post-9/11 age, a man smuggled a small monkey–a foot-tall Pygmy Marmoset–through airport security in Lima, Peru, only to have it confiscated once he arrived at LaGuardia in New York.

Photo:Steve Evans

C’mon, TSA, haven’t you ever heard of animal rights? As long as the monkey remembered to take his shoes off before proceeding through the metal detector, we take PETA’s advice, and give it the benefit of the doubt.

Newsflash: TSA Seizes $7 Billion From Taxpayers

This final FML moment in airport security history is actually more of a public service announcement. In fact, in this case, the people doing the FMLing should be the TSA themselves.

While reporting for The Atlantic, Jeffrey Goldberg decided to see just how efficiently the United States’ $7 billion TSA budget was being spent. Be warned: the results themselves are nearly as horrifying as an actual terrorist attack.

A sampler of the items Goldberg succeeded in sneaking past the noses of the TSA: pocketknives, matches from hotels in Beirut and Pshawar, dust masks, lengths of rope, cigarette lighters, nail clippers, eight-ounce tubes of toothpaste, boxcutters, a bright yellow, three-by-four-foot Hezbollah flag, and an “OSAMA BIN LADEN, HERO OF ISLAM” T-shirt.

In his eye-opening article, Goldberg nearly boards a Northwest flight from Reagan National with a forged first-class boarding pass. Instead, he frantically tears it apart in a busy airport bathroom, hopelessly waiting for any reasonably common-sensed traveler to report his suspicious activity to the proper authorities. Safety is, after all, everyone’s responsibility.

So, the next time you see someone a scrambling to hide their pygmy marmoset, liter of vodka, or fueled-up chainsaw, fear not: safety is what you pay taxes for, not something you worry about.

Also: Where does TSA-seized contraband end up? Why, government-seized property auctions and sales, of course! Check out Leftover Loot for a listing of places you can turn one traveler’s suspected terrorist paraphernalia into your very own treasure.

Photo: wili

1. The further “off the beaten track” you go, the more authentic a place becomes.

Japan isn’t Tokyo, Thailand isn’t Bangkok, New York isn’t the U.S…to this refrain I say: what? Sure, U.S culture can’t be summed up by New York nor can Japanese culture be summed up entirely by Tokyo; but these places are as integral to their country’s culture as any tiny town in the backwoods.

And while it can be much harder to navigate cities and find local haunts amidst all the big, glittering tourist destinations, cities are by no means cultural voids.

Even Starbucks, the easiest global corporation to hate for sucking all the local rootedness out of coffee culture, is inevitably local. Japanese Starbucks serve Coffee Jelly Frappucinos, and have four different trashcans for sorting garbage.

This is obviously not a grand cultural revelation every traveler to Japan should experience—but it does go to show that local culture creeps up in a variety of places, from the apartment blocks taking over downtown Beijing to the ramshackle villages in the far reaches of Hebei province.

2. It’s always better to go independent.

This is a given truth for many travelers. However, there are times when a tour will give you access you couldn’t have as a solo traveler.

Photo: philliecasablanca

Be it a bike ride around Paris with a well-informed guide, a trek through the Ecuadorian Amazon to a village swallowed up by jungle, or a neighborhood tour of a Brazilian favela, it could offer views and insights which are difficult to come by independently.

This is particularly true when time is an issue. Sometimes, it’s simply not possible to spend the weeks or even months that might be necessary to get to know people and get a feel for the realities of life in a certain place.

Strong-willed travelers raised on the Lonely Planet’s how-to-go-it-alone philosophy often have an instantaneous, negative gut reaction to tours. I know I do. But sometimes it’s pretentious and blinding to think that it’s possible to really learn about a place on one’s own.

Well-designed, respectful tours run with the participation of and for the benefit of local people can be worth it.

3. Everyone who travels shares a certain sense of enlightenment.

There is undeniably a lot to be learned from travel, and in my opinion most of it is learned unconsciously and drifts to the surface only after the traveling is done.

However, travel does not inherently bring on some new way of seeing, and can in fact do just the opposite. Anthropologists have long noted how traveling frequently reinforces the same prejudices, fears, and biases travelers had before leaving home.

It all depends on the person traveling, his/her attitude, and the degree to which he/her is willing to alter assumptions and beliefs.

4. Travelers stay in hostels, tourists stay in hotels.

Putting aside the bundle of issues behind the supposed tourist/traveler dichotomy, this is just plain B.S. If getting wasted at the hostel bar with a couple cute British girls and an Australian surfer is your idea of a quality traveler experience, good on ya (as the Australians would say) but don’t lord it above hotel dwellers.

I’d rather stay in a crappy budget hotel in a second than come back to a dorm room full of backpacks and lonely planets and horny, hungover twenty-somethings.

Photo: idalodiskho

Full disclosure: haven’t stayed in a hostel since I studied abroad seven years ago, and believe me, I haven’t been earning any more money than I was then. I’ve just gotten smarter about choosing budget accommodation.

5. There is some sort of almighty List Of Things To Do (as in, “have you done the rainforest walk yet?”) that all travelers must uncover and dutifully check off.

The best part of Kota Kinabalu, in the Sabah region of Malaysian Borneo, was sitting on the corner of the same beaten down coffee shop every morning. Kota Kinabalu is the essence of unspectacular—boring architecture, tame seafront, tired-looking markets, laid-back restaurants that all serve the same things.

We went to the tourist office. We found out what there was to do. Giant flower here, mountain there, orangutans there. It sounded interesting.

But we went back to the same coffee shop every morning. Met a Filipino fisherman who took us to the water village where the Filipino immigrants lived, where kids jumped off wooden planks into the water and women cooked in tiny barren rooms suspended above the ocean.

Photo: Jorge Santiago

I went running on the hillside behind the city until its geography became so familiar that I felt the rush of having a pseudo-home on the road.

We ate durian at a night market underneath a pedestrian bridge.

We went back to the same Filipino fish market every night, to the same woman’s picnic tables, and ate cuttlefish with fern salad.

That was one of the first times I’ve traveled list-free, and Kota Kinabalu remains one of the favorite places I’ve been.

Surely these preconceptions are the tip of the iceberg—travel has become so widespread, and so picked apart and analyzed, that travelers hit the road now with a whole bundle of beliefs packed up in their head.

What are yours? How have your preconceptions changed the more you travel? Please share below!

Community Connection

Interested in the way people think about travel? Explore inner travel, read up on persistent travel myths and debate the nature of “real travel.”

The author and her Nepali host family at home in Kathmandu. All photos courtesy Sarah Vazquez.

Being a minority is one of the most valuable experiences of travel. The sensitivity and awareness we learn from the minority perspective is important to bettering ourselves as global citizens. This is especially true for citizens of the United States.

Our country’s makeup includes many types of people and heritages. To say that there is one, streamlined “American Identity” is simply impossible.

From the earliest days of Manifest Destiny and mass immigration to our current times of hostile neighbor relationships (inside and outside our borders) and unprecedented presidential elections, the story of the American Minority has always been highly relevant.

My digging skills under review.

Foreign Americans

By definition, all Americans are travelers and foreigners.

Connecting with the experience of being a foreigner in a global context is really to relate back to the innate immigrant thread that all Americans share.

Amazingly, our common experience as immigrants does not fracture us into categories, regions and races, but rather weaves through our differences and ties us together as one nation.

Whether or not your (great-great-great-great) grandmother’s house was next to Plymouth Rock, or your family just moved to Queens five years ago, we can all learn what it feels like to be “the only one” in a room by adopting the minority perspective and remembering what the experience of immigration was like for our ancestors.

Maybe you are like many Americans and have ancestry rooted beyond the red, white and blue of our nation, but have simply not yet connected with your heritage. Sadly, many efforts towards assimilation and shared identity have meant losing our own distinctive histories and cultural traditions.

Laughing at me?

Personally, I have experienced much of this internal bi-racial contradiction.

My father is from Mexico, yet for many reasons, I have been raised more or less in a completely “American culture”.

Of course, there is no right or wrong type of heritage, and I’m thankful for the unconditional love and patience my family has given me.

However, in my mind, for better or for worse, “American culture” has sometimes meant a focus on the future at the expense of my heritage.

When I was in Nepal a wave of liberating realizations hit me, subtly and powerfully, over the course of my three months as an oddball foreigner.

I was sometimes, conspicuously, the only female in a room. I was the only one whose skin color didn’t match. I was the only one who couldn’t speak Nepali. I was the only one who couldn’t do the simple task at hand.

In addition, I was often culturally inept. I stepped in the wrong place, I ate the wrong way and I showered poorly.

I was a person I had never been at home in America.

I was a distinct minority.

Celebrating Holi, the Festival of Colors.

I tried to take my failures at cultural assimilation lightly.

I quickly got over being afraid of embarrassment, because embarrassment was simply inevitable.

I learned humility, and many of my pre-conceived notions of “what’s proper” soon disappeared as I watched the everyday tasks accomplished in a new way.

I began to lift my head and look around outside of myself. It occurred to me that the Nepali ways were not foreign. The only thing foreign was myself.

Relating to my Father

Perhaps I could now relate to how my own father, along with many other young immigrants, felt in his first years in America.

My father and I had never connected on this type of level before, because we had always focused on our commonalities, namely our recent past together and the future ahead of us.

Although we still don’t talk much about this now, I feel (and hope) that my new-found sensitivity to the minority perspective has spoken louder than my words ever could.

Just like family.

The Lessons of Being Different

Perhaps one of the most useful things I learned in Nepal was how to treat foreignness as a gift.

I began to take solace in the fact that I was learning what it meant to be “the only one” in the room.

Often times over the course of history, Americans have rejected foreignness in favor of conformity. In Nepal, thousands of miles away from home, I learned that everyone is a foreigner somewhere. We are all foreigners because we are all unique.

We all have differences, and so our position of being different turns into a shared experience.

Most Nepali’s seemed to dismiss the idea that I was “wrong” when I misspoke or made a cultural misstep. They just accepted, with enthusiasm, the fact that I was “different.”

I got laughed at. A lot. By many people.

It took me a while to get used to being in the social spotlight all the time, but the humor of my Nepali hosts was not malicious or antagonistic.

My host-family and their friends laughed simply because my differences amused them. It made me happy to see that I could make people smile simply by being myself and by doing some things my own way.

Working in the wheat field.

I treaded these cultural waters with trepidation at first, expecting to be chastised when I stepped incorrectly. Instead, I was respectfully guided in the more culturally acceptable direction.

Perhaps more amazingly, I was never corrected for the sake of retaliation or enforced conformity. Instead, I was always corrected so that I could become a better Nepali and improve my own experience.

Strength in Difference

I returned to America with a strong belief in the importance of respect and understanding within the global community. We must all be responsible, compassionate global neighbors.

But I also returned with a vision of what it means to be an American today. Our nation’s backbone lies in our shared experience of the minority perspective. Our differences help make us strong.

What do you think about the minority perspective?

Please join the conversation by leaving a comment below.

Feature photos by kalandrakas

Learning such expressions is key not only to picking up the local language, but also to grasping different belief systems and ways of seeing the world.

Think of these expressions as ways to get inside of a particular worldview, and to show the locals that you’ve got an awareness of their cultural values.

Japan photo by tiseb

1. Shoganai (しょうがない), Japan

“It can’t be helped.” Japan is for the most part a very non-confrontational culture. Shoganai epitomizes this tendency because by encouraging people not to complain or try to “fight the power”.

Circumstances can’t be changed, so why get angry or try to avoid the unavoidable?

It’s too hot and you have walk 10 km to the nearest train station? Your boss asks you to work an extra four hours that evening?

Just accept it and move on: shoganai.

2. Mai pen rai (ไม่เป็นไร), Thailand

Thailand photo by mckaysavage

“Thailand is where no matter what happens, you say ‘mai pen rai.’ Never mind. Que sera, sera. Water off my back. And get on with your life.”

- Jerry Hopkins, Thailand Confidential

Whereas in Japan this “never mind” idea encourages one to endure hardships, in Thailand, it implies that life should be lived at a relaxed pace.

This could not be more evident in the idea of “Thai time”: several days late for a gathering of friends? Mai pen rai; it’s no big deal, we can always put things off for another day, a week, a month.

3. Sempre tem jeito, Brazil

“…there’s always a way. Don’t drive yourself crazy over stuff now, there’s always a way to work it out in the end.”

- Thomas Kohstamm, Do Travel Writers Go to Hell?

4. Pura vida, Costa Rica

Costa Rica photo by lulumon athletica

If you’ve been reading up on the exploits of one frozen banana stand owner, you should understand the idea of enjoying life in leisurely manner in Costa Rica, pura vida!

Literally meaning “pure life”, the saying is often used as a handy catch phrase and a way of offering greetings and farewells.

5. C’est la vie, France

Apparently the French and Japanese think very much alike in this respect. C’est la vie is often used to describe situations beyond someone’s control in a way of saying “that’s life” or “what can you do?”

6. Insha’allah, Arab nations

“In Egypt, it is an expression that is relied on so utterly, repeated so continually and universally – invoked on the quiet, dusty paths of rural villages and on the crowded streets of Cairo alike – that it is a part of our national character.

For Egyptian Muslims (and many Christians, too), insha’allah is the constant reminder that human beings are not in control. It is funny, but also somewhat telling, that most foreigners and visitors to Egypt believe it means ‘never.’”

- Jehan Sadat, My Hope for Peace

7. No worries, Australia and New Zealand

Although the phrase “sweet as” might be just as strong a contender in Kiwi territory, no worries is probably the most culturally relevant phrase in Australia and New Zealand.

The saying expresses a laid-back approach to life. No worries, mate.

8. Huevos, Mexico

Our own Sarah Menkedick offers her experience in Mexico with the variations on huevos (eggs):

“Que hueva.”

Imagine you are Jorge, it is Sunday morning, and you are snug in bed with the sun pouring down on you. Then your peppy girlfriend and her German Shepherd come racing into the room, jump on the bed, and shout/bark “Come running with me!!”

Your response would be: “Que hueva.”

Huevo photo by bpheonix

In case the context didn’t help, “hueva” here means something like boring/tedious/dull/dreadful. You could also translate it more or less directly as “how laziness-inducing.”

“Que huevon/huevona.” This is that guy with his arm elbow-deep in the Ruffles and his gut pouring over the edge of his jeans who shouts “yeah, I’ll get around to it later honey, I’m watching the Simpsons!” The Lazy Egg.

Huevona is the feminine form.

This is what you try to pull on your friends when they refuse to walk the dog with you or trek it across town to catch a bus to see a movie.

“Que huevon!” you say with mock indignation. It rarely works, but it’s fun to call someone a lazy egg anyway.

- Huevos a la Mexicana

9. Maningue Nice, Mozambique

Mozambique photo by JenvanW

A cross between a purely national term and a flair of English, maningue nice means “very nice” and is the closest thing to a slogan in Mozambique. Scream it from the tallest buildings whenever fortune favors you.

10. Bahala Na, Philippines

Come What May.

“This is the term that is very often used when all else fails, when you have done all you could, it doesn’t matter
because fate will take over. Sort of a comfort in a sense, that wills the Filipino, that gives them a sort of perseverance.”

Source: tingog.com

A Cross Cultural Theme

When I started researching these expressions, I was expecting to find similarities based on geography: patterns in Asia, South America, Western Europe, etc.

I was surprised, however, to find a cross-cultural theme; many of these phrases are used in response to circumstances beyond people’s control.

How each culture is epitomized in these terms is indicative of how they react to unfortunate or unavoidable events.

The Japanese and French suck it up; the Thais, Kiwis, Aussies, and others shrug it off; Arabs put the responsibility to a higher power.

Join the Conversation!

Do you know a phrase that seems to epitomize a culture? Please share it by leaving a comment below!

Photo by wili-hybrid

For months, you’ve been excited about you and six of your friends traveling through Southeast Asia together. It’s going to be an amazing trip!

But one month into your six-month journey, you’ve begun to despise the way that Friend 1’s jaw clicks when he eats. You can’t stand the penny pinching of Friend 2 or the fussy dietary needs of Friend 3.

Finally, the whining about everything else from Friends 4, 5 and 6 is driving you crazy.

These people are ruining what was supposed to be the most amazing trip ever!

Photo by Jordan Fischer

Could This Have Been Avoided From the Start?

I know that traveling with a large number of your friends may sound like the coolest thing ever, but the truth is, more buddies often equals more problems.

Try keeping the number of travel companions small. A group of between 2 – 4 friends is a good size.

Next, know who you’re traveling with. Outside of culture shock, learning to co-exist with the people you’ve chosen to travel with is probably the biggest adjustment that you’ll learn to make on the road.

Sure, everyone gets along back home when you’re partying together, but you need to find travel partners who you already know you can spend lots of time with.

It’s also a good idea to learn beforehand what sort of traveling your companions have in mind.

For example, there’s no point having your heart set on temples and jungle treks if everyone you’re traveling with wants to just lay on the beach all day.

Photo by wili-hybrid

Tell your friends what you want to do. If their eyes begin glazing over, you might want to rethink your trip with these people.

Not to suggest that everyone you travel with must want to do exactly what you want to do…but why knowingly put yourself in a position that’s prime for future contention?

It’s Too Late For All That, I Need Help Now!

If you didn’t find out beforehand that no one you’re traveling with has the same travel style, that’s okay too.

Remember that you’re not all contractually obligated to be together 24-7. Everyone has their own reasons for wanting to travel and different places mean different things to everyone.

If plans differ, don’t feel bad about suggesting that everyone does their own thing. Traveling with others requires personal space now and then.

Photo by link

Still no peace?

Try removing yourself from disagreements before they become arguments. Honestly, it really doesn’t matter how your friend thinks that the island of Phuket is pronounced. Just let it be.

Arguing is a huge waste of your time and your trip. In the past when I’ve had problems with my travel companions, I’ve simply gone quiet, speaking when spoken to and otherwise spending my time seeing and exploring. It works.

If all else fails, you can always just tell the truth.

Once while traveling across Italy with a group of friends, several setbacks to our plans, financial problems and outright exhaustion had us all at each others’ throats.

We decided then and there to sit down, drink a bottle of vodka, and tell one another what annoyed us about each other.

This sounds like a recipe for disaster, but it actually worked. From that point on, we were all aware of the boundaries and feelings of one another on various topics. It didn’t completely cure our fighting, but it did help to calm things down a great deal.

Relax, Reflect, Repair

Photo by freewine

Last but not least, don’t forget to be patient with your friends.

Yes, they may say and do a lot of things that drive you crazy. Just try to remember that culture shock and jet lag can make people behave differently than you ever thought they would.

This includes you, too. Anyone who grew up with siblings has probably heard their mother tell them that it takes two to argue. Well, Mom, you were right.

Before you make the big choice to tell all your travel buddies that they are horrible people, take a look at yourself.

Self-reflection is no easy task, but an afternoon of introspection might be just the thing to make you realize that many arguments can be avoided.

Travel can be brutally revealing at times. Don’t avoid the truths that often become evident as a result. It’s all part of the experience. In the end, a traveler who can rapidly adjust to less than ideal situations is a wise one.

The bad times won’t last, so learn to build up your patience levels in order to ensure that the good times do.

Community Connection!

If you want to connect with like-minded travelers, check out the people of the Matador travel community. If you need to go solo for a while, well, we’ve got you covered there too – check out the popular article How to Escape an Undesirable Travel Mate.

Happy travels!

Feature photos by army.mil

Get Out of Your Room

Most people think that getting out of the room is easy: walking to work, catching a ride or eating at the dining facility. Some people hit the gym and even run on the base roads.

However, only going to a few places doesn’t allow you to appreciate being in a regular area all the time. By leaving your room, you leave where you work or live and just get out. Sitting at the library, MWR or USO areas, for example, can keep you occupied without sitting in your room.

Photo by army.mil

Take a Walk

Taking a walk is a simple idea that leads to seeing the base in a new light. Explore areas where you wouldn’t normally go, find a new spot to meet friends or stroll without your colleagues breathing down your neck.

Take a side street and get to work a new way. It’s easy and free to do, but will add to your memories as your time ends and you return stateside.

Get Off Base (if you can)

Those stationed on overseas bases can enjoy what war zone service members can not—local culture that doesn’t go boom (excluding fireworks displays).

Getting off base and enjoying the local environment adds to your killer memories overseas as you reflect on your time riding a train to Seoul or taking a bus around a foreign capital.

Explore Food Beyond the D-FAC

Photo by army.mil

Yes, the dining facility can offer free food, but try to enjoy some local cuisine. Think of it as greeting a new culture with your stomach.

Eating new foods won’t always be pleasant, as you learn your own tolerances to spices and different meats (camel, anyone?) but it’ll be a unique memory later on.

Take a Picture

Your friends and relations will want to see where you have run off to.

Point and shoot cameras today are inexpensive, and even the most modest of investments snags a great camera to take in memories and places that can wow the folks back home.

Meet New People

Meeting new people is easy to do and is wholly worthwhile.

Members of military teams are usually determined by their commanders and sergeants, but making friends is something completely up to you. Ask someone out to tea and a walk, or dinner if that’s an option.

Socializing helps you get out of your own head as you learn a new friend’s likes, dislikes and personality. You’ll also have someone beyond your coworkers to confide in without fear of the wrong person being told.

Read a Book

Reading is a simple thing that most of us take for granted or ignore completely. Any book can provide an additional viewpoint that we might never have considered, or give us a break from the day-to-day.

Learn a Language

Photo by army.mil

Another idea for something to do is to improve on a language. Be it of your host country, or one you plan to travel to someday, language learning is easy (and free on certain language learning websites).

Learning a language gives you something other than repeated duties to look forward to as the days begin to drag on.

Learn to Play or Improve Playing an Instrument

Make friends or angry neighbors by picking up any instrument and taking the time to learn it well or improve on what you know.

Music lessons come packaged on DVDs for a number of instruments, from drums to violins. These lessons are cheap and delivered from online stores.

Improve and Challenge Yourself

Beyond improving in the physical realm, set goals to improve in other aspects of your life.

Improve your mind with personal or military skills. Even spiritual goals can be met while waiting to go home; things such as learning patience with another person’s mistakes or learning to control your anger.

Focus on improving the good in your life while you have the time overseas.

Community Connection

The Matador Team wants to hear from military members stationed overseas. If you’re a service member who has stories from time in the military, please join our community today!

Photo: Design Mom

When my adoptive house family took me on holiday to the Swiss Alps, where I enjoyed a private chalet, meals by a personal chef, expensive French wines and free snowboarding lessons in return for part-time babysitting, I felt like I was living the good life.

On the other hand, when I found myself carefully scooping soggy poo out of the bath while trying to placate two screaming, dripping children, I wondered what on earth I was doing there.

As an au pair in Amsterdam, I’ve seen the good, the bad and the ugly.

Providing childcare and light housework in return for room, board and a small stipend sounds like a simple arrangement, but with a job that requires you not only to live with foreign strangers in a foreign place but to essentially join their family, there is real potential for conflict and discomfort.

However, with an open mind and enough research, working as an au pair can be extremely rewarding and a great way to immerse yourself in another culture. Here are a few tips for securing a place with a family, and making sure it’s the best place for you.

1. Use all of your resources.

There are two ways to find families seeking live-in help.

One is through an agency that mediates the agreement between a family and an au pair, making the match and dictating the terms of employment. The advantage is the presence of a third party making sure everyone is treated fairly and the initial contract is mutually upheld.

You might have to pay a fee, however, and there is a lack of flexibility for both you and the family. For example, an agency may set the au pair salary much lower than what families who search independently are ready to offer. Agencies in a given country can be found through the International Au Pair Association .

There are numerous networking websites to help you find families conducting the search on their own. The best is Great Aupair, but Aupair.com and Easy Aupair offer something similar.

It’s usually possible to find a position without paying to use the sites, but if you’re not having any luck, a nominal fee will give you access to families’ contact information and allow you to be a bit more proactive.

Photo: alexandre.galbiati

While the networking sites are easy to use and provide hundreds of families to consider, it’s important to bear in mind that no one is making sure that agreements (or au pairs) are respected throughout employment.

It’s up to you to make sure you’re safe and treated fairly.

Au pair literally means “living on equal terms,” which is something to remember when coming to an agreement.

2. Know what you hope to gain from the experience.

It helps to know what you’re looking for before diving head on into photos of smiling families,. Do you want a family that keeps the relationship strictly professional? Or do you want to be treated like a member of the family, tagging along to grandma’s birthday party?

Do you want to spend the year in a lovely country villa with access to the great outdoors or a smaller city home with access to great museums and nightlife?

As you will be living and working in the same house, there aren’t always opportunities to make friends, so be prepared to spend some time on your own and be confident that you’ll be satisfied with the entertainment and leisure activities the location has to offer.

You can make the experience what you want it to be, depending on where you choose to go and with whom you accept a position.

3. Do your research and insist on a contract.

Ask a lot of questions. Don’t be afraid to dig deep and find out what kind of people the family you’re interested in working with are.

Inquire about background, religion, career, and parenting style. Some of these issues may seem awkward to discuss with strangers over Skype, but it’s fair to want to know what you’re getting into. You’d hate to be the only person in the house that tries to discipline the children, for instance.

There are certain employment details that should be outlined in a contract signed by both parties. These include your weekly schedule, all expected daily tasks, room and board, possible flight compensation, vacation time, overtime, and language classes.

It may not be a legal contract, but having the agreement in writing allows you to consult it later in the case of a dispute with the family, be it over taking out the garbage or the agreed employment dates.

Don’t forget to check one or two references, such as a previous au pair or, if you’re their first au pair, a babysitter. You may trust the family, but it’s always a good idea to consult an outside perspective.

Photo: willsfca

4. Be honest about yourself.

To ensure your comfort and theirs, share as much as you can about yourself on your au pair profile or application and in subsequent contact.

Not only is this more likely to land you a job in the first place, but it will prevent surprises on both ends.

My family asked that I cook dinner several evenings a week, so I made sure to mention that my skill level did not go beyond scrambled eggs and spaghetti.

This way they knew what they were getting, and instead of being disappointed, they were glad when I learned how to make a few more things.

5. Trust your instincts.

If you get a bad feeling from a family profile or Skype conversation, listen to it.

But try to have an open mind and remember that the family is taking an even bigger risk than you by inviting a total stranger into their home and giving her (or him) responsibility of their children. If they trust you, chances are that you can trust them.

Community Connection

Want to work abroad but a little wary of the kids? Check out these ten travel jobs within your reach. If you’ve got your heart set on Europe, read up on how to find paying work while traveling in Europe. And don’t forget to figure out how to get an EU work permit.