Feature photo by kalandrakas. Photo above by kalandrakas
If you know these key Japanese customs, you’ll get closer to the locals and see beneath the surface of Japan.
1. Addressing Someone, Respect
Bowing is nothing less than an art form in Japan, respect pounded into children’s heads from the moment they enter school. For tourists, a simple inclination of the head or an attempt at a bow at the waist will usually suffice.
The duration and inclination of the bow is proportionate to the elevation of the person you’re addressing.
The duration and inclination of the bow is proportionate to the elevation of the person you’re addressing. For example, a friend might get a lightning-fast 30-degree bow; an office superior might get a slow, extended, 70-degree bow. It’s all about position and circumstance.
In addition to bowing, addressing someone properly is key. Just as a “Dr. Smith” might feel a little insulted if you were to refer to him as “Smith”, so would a Japanese if you do not attach the suffix “san” to their last name, or “sama” if you are trying to be particularly respectful.
Usually children are content with just their first names, but you can add the suffix “chan” for girls and “kun” for boys if you like.
2. Table Manners
Some simple bullet points here:
- If you’re with a dinner party and receive drinks, wait before raising the glass to your lips. Everyone will be served, and someone will take the lead, make a speech, raise his drink, and yell “kampai!” (cheers).
- You will receive a small wet cloth at most Japanese restaurants. Use this to wash your hands before eating, then carefully fold it and set it aside on the table. Do not use it as a napkin, or to touch any part of your face.
- Slurping noodles or making loud noises while eating is OK! In fact, slurping hot food like ramen is polite, to show you are enjoying it.
- You may raise bowls to your mouth to make it easier to eat with chopsticks, especially bowls of rice.
- Just before digging in, whether it be a seven-course dinner or a sample at a supermarket, it’s polite to say “itadakimasu” (I will receive).
3. No Tipping
There is no tipping in any situation in Japan – cabs, restaurants, personal care. To tip someone is actually a little insulting; the services you’ve asked for are covered by the price given, so why pay more?
If you are in a large area like Tokyo and can’t speak any Japanese, a waiter or waitress might take the extra money you happen to leave rather than force themselves to deal with the awkward situation of explaining the concept of no tipping in broken English.
Just remind yourself: a price is a price.
Photo by tavallai
4. Chopsticks
Depending on the restaurant you decide upon for that evening, you may be required to use chopsticks.
If for some reason you aren’t too adept with chopsticks, try to learn before passing through immigration. It’s really not that hard.
One false assumption among many Japanese that’s slowly being dispelled by time is the “uniqueness” of Japan. Japan is an island nation; Japan is the only country that has four seasons; foreigners can’t understand Japan; only Japanese can use chopsticks properly.
I cannot count the number of times I’ve been told I use Japanese chopsticks with skill and grace, despite the fact I’ve seen three-year-olds managing just as well.
If you’re dining with a Japanese, don’t be surprised if you receive a look of amazement at your ability to eat like a Japanese.
5. Thresholds
Take off your shoes at the entrance to all homes, and most businesses and hotels. Usually a rack will be provided to store your shoes, and pair of guest slippers will be sitting nearby; many Japanese bring a pair of indoor slippers just in case, though.
Never wear slippers when you need to step onto a tatami mat (used in most Japanese homes and hotels; the standard unit of measurement for area even today), and be careful to remove the toilet slippers waiting for you in the bathroom.
It is extremely bad form, for example, to reenter the main room of a house wearing slippers that have been running across dirty linoleum.
6. Masks
Photo by toestubber
SARS is long gone, though I did happen to see a “SARS Preparation Kit” during my brief stay in a Japanese hospital.
Nevertheless, sterilized masks, like the ones you’d see in the emergency room, are commonly used by salarymen, office ladies, and municipal workers to protect other people from their germs.
Rather sensible when you think about it, as masks do not protect the wearer so much as the ones around him. The reason could be anything from a slight cold to simply being worried about exposing other people; don’t let it concern you on your Japanese vacation.
7. Conformity
When groups of high school students in Japan were asked to identify the dangers facing children today, the majority agreed on the number one threat: individualism.
Japanese society is focused on the group. Western cultures are focused on the individual.
Does this mean that the Japanese are nothing more that worker bees in a vast hive of steel and concrete? Certainly not, but their presentation of such individual qualities are carefully calculated and given in doses.
Drawing attention to yourself as an individual is a huge no-no: don’t blow your nose in public, try to avoid eating while on the go, and don’t speak on your cell phone in crowded public areas like trains or buses.
The main problem with this is that foreigners simply can’t avoid standing out; we stick out like sore thumbs no matter how long we’ve been here, or how much we know about Japanese culture and society.
As a result, being in Japan gives foreigners the status of D-level celebrities: you’ll get glances, shouts for attention, calls to have pictures taken with people, requests for autographs (happened once to me on a southern island), and overall just more awareness of being a “stake that sticks out”.
8. Bathing
Photo by meganscheminske
Public bathhouses are alive and well in Japan.
Sento, or neighborhood bathhouses, can be found from the largest area in Shinjuku to a small town on the island of Shikoku.
Onsen, or hot springs, are very popular as weekend excursion resorts.
Unlike in western cultures, the Japanese bath is used after you have washed and rinsed, and feel like soaking in extra-hot water for 10, 20, 30 minutes. It’s an acquired taste to be sure, but can be very relaxing.
If you happen to be invited into a Japanese household, you will be given the honor of using the bath first, usually before dinner. Be extra careful so as to not dirty the water in any way; the sanctity of the ofuro (bath) is of utmost importance.
Take the time to visit a sento if you have the opportunity. These are places without barriers, without regard to skin color, age, or language… well, they are separated by sex with the exception of some mixed-bathing areas.
Lying in the hot water and slowly listening to my heart beat slow down is a time when I feel most attuned to Japanese culture.
9. Speaking English
Japanese will generally assume you are a native English speaker until you prove otherwise.
Japanese will generally assume you are a native English speaker until you prove otherwise. Even during a short visit, you’ll see:
-A group of schoolchildren in neatly pressed Prussian uniforms walking across the intersection, shouting “Hello! Hello! Herro!” as they assess your foreign features
-A random person just walking up to you and asking “Where are you from?”
Friendly? Certainly. But I can see how constant celebrity status might get confusing or frustrating for travelers who don’t speak English.
Although you may speak some or fluent Japanese, the default language of choice is English. Many Japanese will insist on using their own English language ability, however limited, to converse with foreigners, in spite of the fact that the person on the opposing end may have more knowledge of the local tongue.
10. Safety
Every Japanese person I have met warns me to be safe in my travels, to take care of my belongings. Every foreigner tells me not to worry, nothing can go wrong, nothing will be stolen. This may be based on individual experience, but there are other issues:
- The fear of crime in Japan is high, especially among Japanese citizens.
- Murders happen. I repeat, murders happen. People are attacked, robbed, assaulted, raped, beaten, and swindled
However, Japan’s low crime rate is evident when you see businessmen who have missed the last train sleeping outside on a park bench, or a group of 5-year-old boys walking by themselves for over a kilometer to make the starting bell at school.
Going to Japan?
Check out our humorous list of 10 Extraordinarily Useful Japanese Phrases.
Community Connection!
There are a bunch of cool Matador folks living in various parts of Japan. If you want the lowdown on teaching English, ask Abram or Stephanie.
If you’re looking for a photography outing in Asia, ask pro photographers Ryan Libre or Scott Lothes.
Wanna ride a wave? Ask Angie where the best surf spots in Japan are.
Wanna go hiking? Check out Tim’s definitive list of the top 10 hikes in Hokkaido.
About the Author
More By This Author
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257 Comments... join the discussion!
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SO long ago I'm not sure why I'm responding lol except that this is sooo not my experience living in Nagoya and even less so in Tokyo. IF (and only if) there is not enough room for both of you, the Japanese (or at least Nagoyans) will generally play chicken with you (if in a group they will look you in the eye and do it, if alone they will look at the ground even if they've banged right into you lol, and I'm afraid I tend to lose and step into the gutter rather than do the shoulder bump which can be painful.
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Great post for people on their way. I will also add my experience that people wash their face, neck and whole head (if they are bald) with their wet towels, though. One really useful tip I'd add follows a commenter's addition: "If using chopsticks to get food from a serving dish, use them backwards (the fat ends). It's considered more sanitary." This is advice business people are often given but we were told (in time, thank goodness because so many had done it in the influx of ICTs we were in lol ) it is actually considered very rude. The Japanese mostly eat "family style" with all dishes available to all at the table (and usually served in a sequence which can catch you by surprise if everyone has ordered a different dish just for themselves lol) and everyone expects to share the dishes. To turn your hashi around suggests you think your dinner companions have some kind of germs you don't want to catch …
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i must admit i find the education of japan a bit much, but i love it.. they are taught at a young age to strive for greatness, doing it 110% effort and with a smile.. maybe if it was toned down a bit they could use it in other countrys..
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great article! you covered a lot of the basics for first-timers and i am sure that they will help a lot of people. Plus, it was nice for an otaku (also known as an anime and manga freak) like me to get some more vocab. thanks!
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This is great. I may have a chance to japan in 3 months later to study. This is very useful for me. and thanks. Japanese students are under high presuure and strain to succeed and get good grades. see u soon Nihongo. Sinnasan
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Who will forget about gifts?!?!?!?!?
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Hey this was really helpful. Im 15 and hopefully will be learning Japanese within the next few years.
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That's because you were in Nagoya, land of the most obnoxious Japanese. In other places you don't get that.
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I fins this humerous having been living here for 2 years as well
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Great list. Some of these are a little outdated and as mentioned slightly stereotypical, but very helpful for those visiting Japan.
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Stereotypical… perhaps. But not in the least outdated.
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thank you for your useful information.
i,m saharnaz from iran_tehran↵ -
As much as Eastern culture does promote the “general good” of the population, individualism is not a threat to eastern society. Look at the fashion, movies, any cultural product from MODERN japan and youll see that they do promote the individual. Perhaps instead you shouldnt overtly lord over the 60s American mentality of being superior, just treat them as how you would want to be treated. Respectfully.
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Very stereotypical! It is nooooot proper to fold back your napkin rather than place it under your plate in a staight fashion do noy fold it or it is a symbol that they are not well at folding they take their jobs very seriously!
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In most towns in Japan the most dangerous part of town will be where ever you are, you are the danger there for the most part.
If you want to wow your hosts or Japanese friends, buy flowers for them, Japanese culture is very big on flowers and it is the norm for visitors to a home to bring flowers for the host.↵ -
“…you are the danger there for the most part.”
What the heck does that mean?
“Japanese culture is very big on flowers and it is the norm for visitors to a home to bring flowers for the host.”
It is not the norm here in Japan for guests to bring flowers for the host. Japanese culture is not particularly “big” on flowers. Flowers are a good, safe, appreciated gift for a host in Japan, as in pretty much anywhere in the world, but that’s all.
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日本人さん、
I don’t consider individualism a threat to modern Japan – the point is many Japanese youth still do, as I mentioned quoting a survey.
I don’t know quite what you mean by “60’s American mentality of being superior”… Americans have always believed they’re superior (which, of course, they’re not). If you got the impression I was promoting that in this article, then I apologize.
Being treated “respectfully”… yes, I agree.
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Turner san,
I agree with you, expecially Item 9, “Speaking English.”
I feel sorry to see Japanese people often speak to people from abroad, even if they speak Japanese. This is like using foreign people as English language teachers. This is not good, and I think the Japanese must understand the feelings of people from abroad.Ichiro Nakano
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“Slurping noodles or making loud noises while eating is OK! In fact, slurping hot food like ramen is polite, to show you are enjoying it.”
slurping _noodles_ is the only loud noise you should make while eating in Japan. Other sounds one might think of are consider as impolite as they are in western countries. Do not mistake Japan with China there…
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Enryo too. Enryo doesn’t translate into English but,I think it means to decline an offer at least two times before the other person insists again. Then, you can accept their offering with a thanks. This usually goes for those who are above you in rank.
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@Pele: “Enryo” (遠慮) has meanings of (social) restraint or reserve; these are fine English translations. It has no set meaning of “decline an offer two times”.
In social situations, it can refer to common (universal?) human courtesies: refraining from jumping ahead of others; hesitating to impose on others; not grabbing at offers without first making humble demurrals; etc.
Important stuff in Japan, yes, but also pretty much anywhere.
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Traveler,
Thanks for the info. My description was too general, and too mathematic–enryo has no numerical formula.
My observations : I did notice more enryo going on in Japan than I do here in the states, where most of us are more likely to grab at offers with a , “thanks”, without as much humbleness as in Japan. What do you think?
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Hi minna-san,
Just wanted to add a note on the term ‘enryo’. Enryo, or enryo/sasshi, refers to a communication form of Japan. You won’t encounter this 100% of the time, but it’s good to keep an eye out for it. In Japan people do not want to be seen as annoying or as a burden to others. So, be prepared to be expected to interpret more meaning from fewer words. For example, if a person says to you “Do you think it’s hot in here?” you wouldn’t simply say “Yea it is”, you would be expected to interpret it as a request to open the window or turn on the AC. The closest comparison we have in American culture can be seen in the way women will sometimes hint at what they want instead of outright saying it. A Japanese professor at my college had a great example that he used when explaining enryo/sasshi: say a couple are taking a road trip and the woman asks the man “Would you like to pull over at the next exit and get food?” The answer she would expect of him is: “(Yes/No), do you want food?” She doesn’t want to admit out loud that she’s hungry, but she expects him to be sensitive to her needs and not just his own. In Japan, this form of communication is more common, and it’s not just used by women, but also men. In the US the speaker is expected to do all the work of making their needs and expectations of others known, in Japan it’s the opposite. So pay close attention to all possible interpretations of what’s being said to you, or you may unwittingly be seen as not only insensitive to others, but also as kind of an idiot for not getting a hint that the locals would think is obvious. Hope this comes of some use to you.
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Enryo is “a communication form of Japan”? That doesn’t even make sense. Again, the word means “restraint” or “reserve” in social interactions, and it’s a universal component of good manners in ALL human societies.
If you feel it’s more prevalent among “Japanese” or “American women” or whatever, then so you feel. But it’s not remotely a unique feature of ANY special group.
Sheesh.
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Great tips to know the next time I travel to Japan.
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this was very hellpfull thank you i needed the info for my project
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What do you mean toilets? I’m leaving for Japan in 3 weeks and I need to be aware of this situation.
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Sounds very Canadian!! Lol!
A Japanese professor at my college had a great example that he used when explaining enryo/sasshi: say a couple are taking a road trip and the woman asks the man “Would you like to pull over at the next exit and get food?” The answer she would expect of him is: “(Yes/No), do you want food?” She doesn’t want to admit out loud that she’s hungry, but she expects him to be sensitive to her needs and not just his own.
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I was surprised that in the section on chopsticks it was not mentioned that it is considered rude to leave your chopsticks sticking out of the rice in your bowl. When you are not using the chopsticks you should lie them across the top of the bowl or on chopstick rests if they’re provided.
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Great article! Should have read it before my trip to Japan!
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Sweet, thanks a bundle, there’s a bunch of usefull information here.
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Slow down. Watch what others do. Let others demonstrate first. Hesitate. Open eyes, shut mouth. SLOW DOWN! Watch for clenched jaw muscles. (Indicates anger.) Refuse all offers – usually they are just “polite”. If the offer is repeated, the second time you COULD accept, but it is better to wait for a third. Gets complicated if the Japanese has a lot of experience with foreigners – he/she may not offer again, knowing our lack of reticence accepting! SLOW DOWN! Smiles are masks. They can mean anything. Smiles often DO NOT mean happiness. Do NOT bow to children or maids (a nod is OK). “Play chicken”? Unconsciously we bend slightly to avoid shoulder bumping. The distance various according to the culture. And men may expect woman to move further. DO NOT JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS! Check meanings carefully – especially for important things. Repeat back what you think they mean, using different words if possible. Upright chopsticks in bowls of rice is found at funerals. Japanese are forgiving of foreigner’s “rudeness” – they won’t shout or strike you – you just may never see them again. Japanese often plan things far in advance – don’t expect them to be available on short notice. “Hai” means “Uh, huh – I’m listening.” NOT yes. SLOW DOWN! Copy what people of your same age-group, educational level, etc. do. DO NOT ACCEPT GIFTS unless you are prepared to commit yourself to being in the position of owing a favor. A favor is a favor – and a small favor received may bind you to a big favor returned. Chiisana shinsetsu, ooki no oseiwa. Gambatte!
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